Start Over

Been to United Kingdom for about two weeks, I'm still not getting used to the life here. As expected, living here is not as excited as in New Zealand. You may wonder why, as these two countries are English speaking country, it should not be a problem for me. The thing I wanna stress here is not about the language, well, some terms are different but I will get used to it after some time.

I like to spend time with my brother, just like today, he has a day off today and we two had lunch together and hang out at the coffee shop, I felt good as the two of us never seen each other for 9 years.

Why am I writing this post?

It's not because I feel unhappy, it's because I feel lost after I came here, especially after a night walk from the city centre to home. FYI, I don't like to walk home, drive home or friend drives me back home at night, I feel sentimental when I walk past or drive past the lamppost especially playing slow musics during the journey back home. It should be another adventure for me after New Zealand working holiday but it doesn't seem one.

Why would I ended up in U.K?

The reason is to work here and save up some for my Europe trip. In a nutshell, to pursue my dream.
This path ain't easy at all, sometimes even myself will start questioning myself; sometimes I envied my friend has a stable job; sometimes I feel tired; sometimes I feel lonely(all the time); the uncertainties discomfort me; loneliness strikes me; everything seems not right at all. Sometimes I have to gather myself up and dismiss all those negative thoughts.
I clearly know what I want in my life, settle down at a place, has a stable job, own a small house, a vehicle as my transportation tool, not necessary a fancy car, has a family and we live happily ever after. I have a lot of things need to do in this life but I have little time to accomplish it. I just wish to get a job here and work for few months, save enough and start traveling again, to find back the excitement of my adventure and get outta here.
Most of my friends say it's easy for me to meet new friends due to my outgoing personality, but the environment here is different from New Zealand's. I barely talk to people besides of my brother and his girlfriend not to mention to meeting new friends. Plus, I'm a lil picky, I tried not to make friend with Asians especially those speak mandarin and cantonese.

Why I don't like this country?

The main reason is the environment. I can't see the real mother nature maybe I'm not in the right place, I guess the mother nature is in Scotland instead of England. This is the difference between U.K and New Zealand. New Zealand has a lot to offer, and I had a lot of first in New Zealand. I met different nationality friends, I learned their language and culture, I listened to their stories, I went for a road trip with a complete stranger and it turned out pretty good, I offered hitchhike to backpackers, someone offered me a lift while I was walking to the mall, I tried pots, I drunk hard and party hard, I had a best trip ever in my life with my friend although I used to travel alone in India and Bangkok. After that trip, it completely changed my thought of traveling alone. Probably it's because of the common interest that we have and the same notion of "traveling". Plus, he is my long standing mate, we won't feel awkward even if we didn't talk during the journey and I feel good with his presence.
Secondly is the people here, they are not friendly in comparison to New Zealand's. They are indifferent. In New Zealand, strangers greet you when they saw you or walk past you. People in New Zealand always smile especially those in service field, they will first greet you with hi, how are ya? With this simple greeting, which I find this manner should be practised in U.K, it makes me feel my money is well spent in this restaurant, shopping mall or supermarket. In U.K, I would say most of the promoters, waiters and waitresses and cashiers they just never smiled to you as if you owe 'em money. C'mon, I'm a consumer, I spend money on your shop and you should provide me a good service instead of giving me that shitty face and bad service when I make payment at the till point.

My feeling,...

I have a lot of free time these days as I haven't got a job yet. Spent my time on series, books, musics, and enter someone's life. Entering someone's life ain't easy at all especially when you know how they feel, how they see thing on certain things, sometimes I even lost myself, it's like I am not myself anymore and wondering who I am and I feel more uncertain of myself anymore since the day we met? I feel overwhelmed. This journey should be a mission of finding myself, should be a journey to achieve my dream but when I think deep, it became another question, what and who made me to step on this path? And the answer is you, it's like my fate is linked to you and I can't get rid of you. Sometimes I tried not to think it in this way and go with the flow but the truth is the truth, I just can't get rid of you. There is a song called "Magnetised" by Tom Odell and one of the verses is perfectly described what I'm feeling right now, "I am magnetised to somebody that don't feel it". I need something to distract me like how it did to me when I was in New Zealand.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

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Details in the fabric

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12 Years

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Missing Piece

Sometimes I wish I have the courage to spit it out what I'm thinking. It's odd to suddenly tell you all this, even me myself feel weird if I told you this.
Most of you would probably think that I'm talking about love or some kind of confession.
No, it is not. I'm not talking about confession to someone, at least it's not love confession.
All of this while, I'm searching the missing piece of me. Yes, you hear me right or you see it clear, the missing piece. I am incomplete, or most of the ppl in this world is.
I always feel incomplete when comes in certain moment, what I'm saying is I don't feel this when I'm blessed and happy. It feels strong when I'm alone, well, I'm alone all the time but I don't have this kinda feeling all the time only when it meets the right time, the right vibes and the right thought.
I spent most of my time to find it, in a different approach, or maybe I know what I'm missing but I'm not quite sure.
I wish to share this with you, 'cause you are trustworthy to me, but somehow I'm not quite sure should I or do I have to? I always wanted to tell you, you are my person. Whenever this phrase come across my mind, I started to question myself. Not that I don't trust you, like I said before you are a trustworthy friend, but, yea there is always a but, now I only realized how I hate this word 'but'.
I saw something with my own eyes, yes, my fucking own eyes, I wish I didn't see it in the first place cause it brings all these questions to me, and I started to doubt you. I don't exactly know what you both were talking but my hunch is never been wrong.
A barrier, a wall built inside me after what I've been through, I tried to bring it down but it was a vain.
I always wish I have someone to trust, someone that I could share everything with but it seems to me that I trust no one. And it back to square one, same thing, repeat over and over again. Maybe I still care although I have said it a thousand times I don't, but the hollow hand in my heart still wouldn't want to release it, Who do I to blame?

I thought I have entirely changed, but at the end something just won't change.

Travel Solo in Bangkok; Part 1

Been a while not updating my blog. It's time to share my travel solo experience in Bangkok, Thailand.

Nothing much about the first day by the time I reached there already at 18:25. After touched down DMK, the first thing to go was to get a Thai Sim card (dtac), it only cost 299 Baht together with a can of coke.This Sim card brings me convenient in terms of internet access and freed me from boredom (I can play game as well as whatsapp my friend).

I got ripped off by the taxi driver from airport to the hotel that I lived in. (What to do? As the taxi service in the airport offered me 700 Baht for my journey, and I find it expensive, so I decided to hail a cab at outside of the airport. At least it save me 100 Baht for this journey, *'I am consoling myself'*).

After I checked-in, I walked to outside and asked the local ppl how to get to the Asiatique River Front, I know it is not far from here according to the information I got from the internet. I took a bus there, and it truly stunned me (sounds exaggerated, well indeed it is). Here we go,

The front view of Asiatique

                                       Ferris Wheel, yea, I bought a ticket and take a ride

Strolling in the Asiatique and found a lot of booths selling handicraft, souvenir, etc. Besides, there are quite a number of food stalls and bars around the area.

After strolling around the Asiatique, is time to go back to the hotel and get some rest before started my day 2 in Bangkok.

Day 2 in Bangkok

Day 2. It was quite improvised. Why would I said that? Well, my initial plan for day 2 is to go to Pattaya beach but I decided to postpone it to following day as I am quite exhausted due to the late arrival in Day 1.

Nothing much or special for my day 2 in Bangkok, just exploring the prosper city life, exploring the city life means go to every shopping mall around Bangkok city. It was convenient to travel from station to station, it all thanked to the well organized skytrain route. You won't expose to sunlight much as most of the skytrain stations are attached to the shopping mall or from the station to the shopping mall route, it all sheltered with overhead walkway/pedestrian bridge.

Basically, I went to most of the shopping malls around the city. The first stop was Siam Center, not very fond of this mall as it is not huge and less stalls to visit/shop. After wandering around Siam Center, straight away went to second stop which is Siam Paragon, two malls are actually attached to each other, so you don't have to walk long to get to the destination. It was much better than the first stop, more shops to visit, more stuffs to look and of course not to mention more foods to eat.

Not much pictures taken in day 2, as the entire day was (window/souvenirs) shopping. To be succinct, after visited the second mall went straight to MBK and another mall where I forgotten its name, lol. When the day close to the evening, I tried to search online where can I go for night market where the night market must near to my current location. After 10 minutes online search, I decided to go to Patpong Market. Thought I can taste some of the street foods in the market, well, not a single food stall able to catch my attention eventually I get into the nearest mall to get my dinner (bread).

So, I do some shopping in the Patpong night market as my buddy asked me to help him get some singlets. He should've asked me early, I saw a lot of singlets in MBK mall and it is quite cheap, you can bargain the price with the shop owner if you purchase more. During the singlet searching, passed by a red district area and saw some strippers are dancing in the club. Not dare to get in, as I do not have much money with me plus I am shy, hahahahaha. (Feels like to capture some pictures of them and show to my friends but I am afraid of get caught and end up need to pay money because of photo shooting.

Before head back to the hotel, went to 7-eleven to buy few cans of alcohol and plan to drink alone in the hotel. Sit back and relax and drink with my naked body. Damn, I enjoyed every single moment when I am alone in the hotel!

Side note: I liked to travel is because there's a bigger world of possibilities outside my little space of comfort. Travel can have my mind and soul grow with me; it also broaden my horizon by experience others' culture and gain insight from my every trip.

To be continued...

10 Years of Friendship, 10 years of hardship

After all these years, after what we have been through, it finally comes to an end.

I am happy with your candor answer, the one that I hoped for.

I wouldn't sent you that text if she hadn't update that status on her timeline.

I want to change, to be a better man, to be the one I used to be.

The promises, the apologies, the reneging, everything comes with a period.

I lost trusts on my friends after all the empty promises that you've made(Maybe you remember it all, it is just that you have not achieve it, or time is not allowed you to be, I do not know, and it is not important to me anymore). 

I couldn't trust what they said to me, it was like coaxing, say it for the sake of make someone felt delighted.

Whenever they say something like that, I couldn't help to relate it to you, and my reactions will be terribly vicious, reply with vindictive comments and I find pleasures on it.

It is unfair if I use your way to treat them just because of what you did to me previously. 

You did nothing wrong, I know it is your way, how you treat your friends, how you treat me.

I thought you are different after what we have been through.

I was wrong, my judgement was terribly wrong, I never wrong about something, but this time, I admitted it, I was defeated by you, I was defeated by the cruelty of this world.

I never blame you, trust me, never, despite of what you shaped me now.

From this moment on, I will not hurt my friends anymore, I will try to reconnect it back, go back to where it was, but of course I need time to work on it, and now I am working on it.

Just so you know, I did not cut off all ties with you, this is what you said but this is not my intention.

This never was my intention, I just hope everything back to the normal, go back to its track.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many chances were given to you, you will never changed; I am still unable to retain our friendship. This is what it meant to be, everything has arranged by Him, we just have to accept the truth no matter how unwilling we are. 

I know you didn't wish this to happen, not at all, I could tell by your gaze, whenever we met, I can see it through your eyes, the sincerity, the waiting, nothing can hide from my eyes.

Even though you didn't wish to, but I have to, instead of letting this vicious cycle to go on and on, I decided to end it for the sake of myself.