Start Over

Been to United Kingdom for about two weeks, I'm still not getting used to the life here. As expected, living here is not as excited as in New Zealand. You may wonder why, as these two countries are English speaking country, it should not be a problem for me. The thing I wanna stress here is not about the language, well, some terms are different but I will get used to it after some time.

I like to spend time with my brother, just like today, he has a day off today and we two had lunch together and hang out at the coffee shop, I felt good as the two of us never seen each other for 9 years.

Why am I writing this post?

It's not because I feel unhappy, it's because I feel lost after I came here, especially after a night walk from the city centre to home. FYI, I don't like to walk home, drive home or friend drives me back home at night, I feel sentimental when I walk past or drive past the lamppost especially playing slow musics during the journey back home. It should be another adventure for me after New Zealand working holiday but it doesn't seem one.

Why would I ended up in U.K?

The reason is to work here and save up some for my Europe trip. In a nutshell, to pursue my dream.
This path ain't easy at all, sometimes even myself will start questioning myself; sometimes I envied my friend has a stable job; sometimes I feel tired; sometimes I feel lonely(all the time); the uncertainties discomfort me; loneliness strikes me; everything seems not right at all. Sometimes I have to gather myself up and dismiss all those negative thoughts.
I clearly know what I want in my life, settle down at a place, has a stable job, own a small house, a vehicle as my transportation tool, not necessary a fancy car, has a family and we live happily ever after. I have a lot of things need to do in this life but I have little time to accomplish it. I just wish to get a job here and work for few months, save enough and start traveling again, to find back the excitement of my adventure and get outta here.
Most of my friends say it's easy for me to meet new friends due to my outgoing personality, but the environment here is different from New Zealand's. I barely talk to people besides of my brother and his girlfriend not to mention to meeting new friends. Plus, I'm a lil picky, I tried not to make friend with Asians especially those speak mandarin and cantonese.

Why I don't like this country?

The main reason is the environment. I can't see the real mother nature maybe I'm not in the right place, I guess the mother nature is in Scotland instead of England. This is the difference between U.K and New Zealand. New Zealand has a lot to offer, and I had a lot of first in New Zealand. I met different nationality friends, I learned their language and culture, I listened to their stories, I went for a road trip with a complete stranger and it turned out pretty good, I offered hitchhike to backpackers, someone offered me a lift while I was walking to the mall, I tried pots, I drunk hard and party hard, I had a best trip ever in my life with my friend although I used to travel alone in India and Bangkok. After that trip, it completely changed my thought of traveling alone. Probably it's because of the common interest that we have and the same notion of "traveling". Plus, he is my long standing mate, we won't feel awkward even if we didn't talk during the journey and I feel good with his presence.
Secondly is the people here, they are not friendly in comparison to New Zealand's. They are indifferent. In New Zealand, strangers greet you when they saw you or walk past you. People in New Zealand always smile especially those in service field, they will first greet you with hi, how are ya? With this simple greeting, which I find this manner should be practised in U.K, it makes me feel my money is well spent in this restaurant, shopping mall or supermarket. In U.K, I would say most of the promoters, waiters and waitresses and cashiers they just never smiled to you as if you owe 'em money. C'mon, I'm a consumer, I spend money on your shop and you should provide me a good service instead of giving me that shitty face and bad service when I make payment at the till point.

My feeling,...

I have a lot of free time these days as I haven't got a job yet. Spent my time on series, books, musics, and enter someone's life. Entering someone's life ain't easy at all especially when you know how they feel, how they see thing on certain things, sometimes I even lost myself, it's like I am not myself anymore and wondering who I am and I feel more uncertain of myself anymore since the day we met? I feel overwhelmed. This journey should be a mission of finding myself, should be a journey to achieve my dream but when I think deep, it became another question, what and who made me to step on this path? And the answer is you, it's like my fate is linked to you and I can't get rid of you. Sometimes I tried not to think it in this way and go with the flow but the truth is the truth, I just can't get rid of you. There is a song called "Magnetised" by Tom Odell and one of the verses is perfectly described what I'm feeling right now, "I am magnetised to somebody that don't feel it". I need something to distract me like how it did to me when I was in New Zealand.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

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Details in the fabric

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12 Years

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Missing Piece

Sometimes I wish I have the courage to spit it out what I'm thinking. It's odd to suddenly tell you all this, even me myself feel weird if I told you this.
Most of you would probably think that I'm talking about love or some kind of confession.
No, it is not. I'm not talking about confession to someone, at least it's not love confession.
All of this while, I'm searching the missing piece of me. Yes, you hear me right or you see it clear, the missing piece. I am incomplete, or most of the ppl in this world is.
I always feel incomplete when comes in certain moment, what I'm saying is I don't feel this when I'm blessed and happy. It feels strong when I'm alone, well, I'm alone all the time but I don't have this kinda feeling all the time only when it meets the right time, the right vibes and the right thought.
I spent most of my time to find it, in a different approach, or maybe I know what I'm missing but I'm not quite sure.
I wish to share this with you, 'cause you are trustworthy to me, but somehow I'm not quite sure should I or do I have to? I always wanted to tell you, you are my person. Whenever this phrase come across my mind, I started to question myself. Not that I don't trust you, like I said before you are a trustworthy friend, but, yea there is always a but, now I only realized how I hate this word 'but'.
I saw something with my own eyes, yes, my fucking own eyes, I wish I didn't see it in the first place cause it brings all these questions to me, and I started to doubt you. I don't exactly know what you both were talking but my hunch is never been wrong.
A barrier, a wall built inside me after what I've been through, I tried to bring it down but it was a vain.
I always wish I have someone to trust, someone that I could share everything with but it seems to me that I trust no one. And it back to square one, same thing, repeat over and over again. Maybe I still care although I have said it a thousand times I don't, but the hollow hand in my heart still wouldn't want to release it, Who do I to blame?

I thought I have entirely changed, but at the end something just won't change.

Travel Solo in Bangkok; Part 1

Been a while not updating my blog. It's time to share my travel solo experience in Bangkok, Thailand.

Nothing much about the first day by the time I reached there already at 18:25. After touched down DMK, the first thing to go was to get a Thai Sim card (dtac), it only cost 299 Baht together with a can of coke.This Sim card brings me convenient in terms of internet access and freed me from boredom (I can play game as well as whatsapp my friend).

I got ripped off by the taxi driver from airport to the hotel that I lived in. (What to do? As the taxi service in the airport offered me 700 Baht for my journey, and I find it expensive, so I decided to hail a cab at outside of the airport. At least it save me 100 Baht for this journey, *'I am consoling myself'*).

After I checked-in, I walked to outside and asked the local ppl how to get to the Asiatique River Front, I know it is not far from here according to the information I got from the internet. I took a bus there, and it truly stunned me (sounds exaggerated, well indeed it is). Here we go,

The front view of Asiatique

                                       Ferris Wheel, yea, I bought a ticket and take a ride

Strolling in the Asiatique and found a lot of booths selling handicraft, souvenir, etc. Besides, there are quite a number of food stalls and bars around the area.

After strolling around the Asiatique, is time to go back to the hotel and get some rest before started my day 2 in Bangkok.

Day 2 in Bangkok

Day 2. It was quite improvised. Why would I said that? Well, my initial plan for day 2 is to go to Pattaya beach but I decided to postpone it to following day as I am quite exhausted due to the late arrival in Day 1.

Nothing much or special for my day 2 in Bangkok, just exploring the prosper city life, exploring the city life means go to every shopping mall around Bangkok city. It was convenient to travel from station to station, it all thanked to the well organized skytrain route. You won't expose to sunlight much as most of the skytrain stations are attached to the shopping mall or from the station to the shopping mall route, it all sheltered with overhead walkway/pedestrian bridge.

Basically, I went to most of the shopping malls around the city. The first stop was Siam Center, not very fond of this mall as it is not huge and less stalls to visit/shop. After wandering around Siam Center, straight away went to second stop which is Siam Paragon, two malls are actually attached to each other, so you don't have to walk long to get to the destination. It was much better than the first stop, more shops to visit, more stuffs to look and of course not to mention more foods to eat.

Not much pictures taken in day 2, as the entire day was (window/souvenirs) shopping. To be succinct, after visited the second mall went straight to MBK and another mall where I forgotten its name, lol. When the day close to the evening, I tried to search online where can I go for night market where the night market must near to my current location. After 10 minutes online search, I decided to go to Patpong Market. Thought I can taste some of the street foods in the market, well, not a single food stall able to catch my attention eventually I get into the nearest mall to get my dinner (bread).

So, I do some shopping in the Patpong night market as my buddy asked me to help him get some singlets. He should've asked me early, I saw a lot of singlets in MBK mall and it is quite cheap, you can bargain the price with the shop owner if you purchase more. During the singlet searching, passed by a red district area and saw some strippers are dancing in the club. Not dare to get in, as I do not have much money with me plus I am shy, hahahahaha. (Feels like to capture some pictures of them and show to my friends but I am afraid of get caught and end up need to pay money because of photo shooting.

Before head back to the hotel, went to 7-eleven to buy few cans of alcohol and plan to drink alone in the hotel. Sit back and relax and drink with my naked body. Damn, I enjoyed every single moment when I am alone in the hotel!

Side note: I liked to travel is because there's a bigger world of possibilities outside my little space of comfort. Travel can have my mind and soul grow with me; it also broaden my horizon by experience others' culture and gain insight from my every trip.

To be continued...

10 Years of Friendship, 10 years of hardship

After all these years, after what we have been through, it finally comes to an end.

I am happy with your candor answer, the one that I hoped for.

I wouldn't sent you that text if she hadn't update that status on her timeline.

I want to change, to be a better man, to be the one I used to be.

The promises, the apologies, the reneging, everything comes with a period.

I lost trusts on my friends after all the empty promises that you've made(Maybe you remember it all, it is just that you have not achieve it, or time is not allowed you to be, I do not know, and it is not important to me anymore). 

I couldn't trust what they said to me, it was like coaxing, say it for the sake of make someone felt delighted.

Whenever they say something like that, I couldn't help to relate it to you, and my reactions will be terribly vicious, reply with vindictive comments and I find pleasures on it.

It is unfair if I use your way to treat them just because of what you did to me previously. 

You did nothing wrong, I know it is your way, how you treat your friends, how you treat me.

I thought you are different after what we have been through.

I was wrong, my judgement was terribly wrong, I never wrong about something, but this time, I admitted it, I was defeated by you, I was defeated by the cruelty of this world.

I never blame you, trust me, never, despite of what you shaped me now.

From this moment on, I will not hurt my friends anymore, I will try to reconnect it back, go back to where it was, but of course I need time to work on it, and now I am working on it.

Just so you know, I did not cut off all ties with you, this is what you said but this is not my intention.

This never was my intention, I just hope everything back to the normal, go back to its track.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many chances were given to you, you will never changed; I am still unable to retain our friendship. This is what it meant to be, everything has arranged by Him, we just have to accept the truth no matter how unwilling we are. 

I know you didn't wish this to happen, not at all, I could tell by your gaze, whenever we met, I can see it through your eyes, the sincerity, the waiting, nothing can hide from my eyes.

Even though you didn't wish to, but I have to, instead of letting this vicious cycle to go on and on, I decided to end it for the sake of myself.

愛，該放下還是等待奇蹟的出現？

已經有一段時間沒更新我的部落格了。以前寫部落格是因爲想寫下自己暫時解決不到的問題，且又找不到合適的人選傾訴，唯有在這裏宣泄情感。

一直以來，以爲自己已經把妳給放下，事實證明，我還沒完全的把妳放下。

可能是當時一直強逼自己把妳放下，所以不知不覺中潛意識也隨着我的呼喚而進行它的任務。

心中那隻隱形的手還一直握着不放，還等待着奇蹟的出現。

他人說，愛一個人不一定要與她在一起，只要她尋找到自己的幸福，那你已經會因她幸福而覺得足夠了。

一直以來，自己都在欺騙自己，隱藏自己對她的感覺，還以好朋友來相稱。

我不想失去你這位好友，但我要的也不是僅僅的好朋友關係。

我很矛盾，我想與你成爲情侶，但自己卻勸告自己，你已經有了男朋友，我能做的只是祝福你們倆。

好不容易我們才走到這一步，不會因爲拒絕過對方而連朋友都做不成。

可能是因爲彼此的性格，所以大家都接受到。

我很喜歡與妳在一起，那種感覺很自然，很舒服，不會因爲某些事情的發生而感到尷尬。

很懷念與妳玩樂的日子。妳知道嗎，我把我們的合照set as wallpaper,每當我看到電話裏的我們，我的嘴角自然而然的上揚了。難道這就是所謂的愛嗎？

愛情，真的是那麼的痛苦嗎？就因爲放了妳與我的合照爲profile picture, Fui San 就一直comment，我真的承受不了那壓力。一張照片能夠影響我的心情，妳真的很不簡單。

曾經我放了我身邊很多很要好的女生朋友成爲profile picture，她們都是有男友的，都沒有任何朋友說些什麼，一張合照不能代表什麼，我覺得美的照片我都會放它爲我的profile picture。

就算我對那個女生有那個意思，也不見得有什麼大問題，沒有任何人能阻止某人喜歡對方。

我喜歡放什麼照片就什麼照片，為什麼我因爲那些comment而感到沮喪？

我並沒拆散她們，我只是愛一個人。

我有嘗試放下，真的，我有，曾經還一度以爲自己已經放下了。

我知道她重視我這個朋友，我何嘗不是呢？難道男女就不能單單的成爲好朋友嗎？

一定要成爲情侶嗎？有誰能回答我的疑惑？

難道真的不再聯絡才能放下嗎？

為什麼上天要賜予我們七情六慾？如果沒了這些七情六慾，至少我不會在這裏寫這些東西。

心痛

昨晚，我終於提起我的勇氣讓她知道我對她的感覺。
當我發送那信息时，我的心跳加速，呼吸困難。
昨晚，真的不好過，今天也是。一整晚都睡不好，不斷的起身，不斷的發夢。
這種感覺真的很痛。我很瞭解我自己，如果不是真的對你有意思，我是不會主動去告白。
我懂愛的感覺和喜歡的感覺是截然不同，所以我對你的是愛並不是喜歡。
那種感覺並不是你對我好而產生，因為我知道比起他人，你對我並没那麼好，可能是曾經的我們有過爭執，雖然和好，但心中那條刺並不是那麼容易的除掉。
這種心痛的感覺，很久都没嘗試過了，很痛，是真的心痛那種。
你是我人生中第二個讓我有這種感覺，我喜歡過好多人，我承認，但真正讓我心動的就只有兩個，而你是其中一個。對你那種感覺就如前一個的那種感覺。
一年前我嘗試了那個痛，一年後放下了但又提起另一個，真的不容易。
今天一整天的心情就如沙巴的天空般一樣，一整天都陰天。
他人說，愛一個人別那麼的輕易放棄；對， 但我深知一個道理，世上無絕對。
也許朋友们會勸我繼續的，讓自己的真心去打動她。但，她卻告訴我別讓自己的愛使到我們连朋友都做不成。我放棄，並不是我不夠愛她，而是我知道勉強没幸福；或許你覺得我在爲自己找藉口，其實事情都很主觀，看你個人怎樣去看待整件事。
或許我註定這一輩子都孤單的過，又或許我的緣分还沒到。我覺得前者的或許較準確。
聽著Dancing去寫這篇文章真的不簡單，這首歌的旋律太過悲哀了。
我相信一切都會回到原點，短暫的痛總比長痛來得好。
給點時間我去平伏吧！最後謝謝你的坦白~ 我真的希望我們的友情不會因為這件事情而受到影響。

13/08/2012

今天是我二十二歲生日。沒什麼特別，或許都已經活了二十二年，生日就像普通日子，沒什麼好期待，也沒期待過任何東西。上個星期五，是我農曆生日，姑丈也帶我去了東海海鮮酒樓慶祝，而云姨也買了個蛋糕給我；而今天早上我干媽請我吃早餐，姑媽就帶我出去吃晚餐，在此要向你們說聲謝謝！今天的我，心情不是很好，也不懂什麽理由會不開心，真的是第一次感到那麼的沒心情過生日。我的第一份生日禮物竟然是我的ex-roommate送給我,在此要謝謝他和她的女友。他送我的禮物是有它的意思，那就是the blue represent sad sad but the smile is to tell you that even if you sad you can still shine like star and be happy. Such a great meaning behind this birthday present, thanks anyways! ^^ It’s been a period didn’t feel any sad, maybe is because I used to emo in the first year of my degree life, that’s why he chose to give me this. xD

今天的心情與昨天的心情形成了強烈的對比，昨天與朋友們出外玩得太瘋癲導致今天的心情會那麼糟，這并不是第一次，翻開舊的部落格，曾經也試過好幾次。人家說生日要開心點，結果呢，我卻那麼的沒心情，唉~許多朋友也好像知道我心情不是那麼好，勸我開心點。今年的第一個祝福語竟然是我大學的朋友，秀佩。曾經一個我很在乎的大學朋友，謝謝你。對不起沒有第一時間回覆你信息，因為實在太累了，還沒到十二點我已睡著了，哈哈。謝謝你每次提醒我不要emo,我并沒emo,只是不知爲什麽就是沒心情。

一大早起床就已經很沒心情，加上下午收到好友的信息，說她已經分手了，那更加加劇我的心情，那一刻真的，啊~天啊，別給我一個那麼大的玩笑吧。

在facebook看到一位朋友share了一個post,還蠻像我現在的生活。

不知是否真的一個人久了，對所有的節日大多沒什麼期待。今天的沒心情或許是寂寞在作祟。現在的我只希望我身邊的親友們身體健康開開心心的過每一天，我就已經足夠了。我并不貪心，我很知足，雖然今年的生日沒什麽，收到朋友們的祝福語我就心滿意足了，沒想過收到什麽禮物，因為我擁有的已經足夠了。

謝謝朋友們與哥哥們與好友們的祝福語，我已經收到了。我沒有把我的生日放在Facebook是因為我不想有那些是因為facebook的提醒而記得我生日的人祝福，因為那沒意思。但不多不少也是有少許是經過其它朋友祝福我而祝福我，無論怎樣都好，都謝謝你們。

現在的我只想快點完成我的任務，那就是畢業。更加希望畢業后能儘快達成我的夢想。就因為是我的夢想我要習慣一個人的生活，就因為是我的夢想我不能談戀愛，無論我心底里是多麼的渴望開始一段新戀情。我相信，只要肯付出，肯犧牲，肯努力，我的夢想之路就在前段，加油吧，國俊！

微笑的記憶

不知不覺已有幾個月沒寫部落格了。昨晚因為身邊好友的一封信息， 因為他要的一首歌，讓我找回了許多失去已久的回憶。因此，也發覺自己還蠻善忘。曾經多美好的東西，我都給忘記了，由於自己有個習慣把過去記載下來，所以就讀回過去自己所記載的歷史，讀著讀著，自己也笑了起來。而歷史再次帶我到當時的情節，真的很開心，因此也發覺當時的我不知足。從沒想過自己竟然會成為一個對你那麼重要的一部份，你也不賴，曾經對我來講你也是多麼的重要。

曾經發給你一封信息，那就是

Try this, its fun, you have to fill your answer and forward back to me. Please be honest.

Who am I in your life?

Someone who makes me feels that I’m exist in this world.

What you wanna call me?

Ah Chun.

3 things that make you won’t forget about me?

Our first fight

Our second fight

Your life

3 things that describes me?

Independent

Thoughtful

Over reacting 

What’s you without me?

An ordinary human without my existence.

If you are given a chance, what you want to tell me?

I’ll tell you make your life good.

Have you ever miss me?

Yes.

隨著歲月的流逝，我們都輸了，而歲月成了大贏家，也造就了今天的我們。我沒後悔，我沒不開心，我沒放不下，因為當我讀了之後，我沒感到一絲遺憾，因為我懂，我們的緣分就是那麼經不起那殘酷的事實，那無情的歲月。翻回曾經你發給我的信息，那些信息并沒儲存在我的電話里，而是在一本小簿子。那些印象令我深刻的信息我都記載在那本小簿子，或許你已經把它忘得一乾二淨，又或者你也不知你曾經和我說過什麽。我記得并不是因為我放不下，而是把它成為我們之間美好的回憶，當我得空時，無意中就會想起當時的情況，而這些回憶也讓我開心的過了一天。翻回曾經你所寫的部落格，原來當初的自己是那麼的被你重視，在乎。真的那麼的容易做到不在乎天長地久，只在乎曾經擁有？我也不曉得，因為當下的我就是有這樣的感覺。畢竟我已做了我的本份，絕對沒遺憾，“遺憾”的是不能與你像以前般那麼的要好。^^

曾經的我們對大家的傷害，我希望大家都能忘記，只記得美好的東西。這就是現實，現實往往都會把我們帶到灰色地帶，然後又見回曙光，只能說那是一個人生階段，換句話說天意弄人啊!一切都已成為過去！

讀了之後，心也溫暖許多。最後也做到你要對我所說的話，make my life good. Thanks friend! Without you, I am nothing! This is what I wanna say to you; make your life good!

Fate

I thought it was over since last year, but it wasn’t. 

Undeniably, my life gets better off without your present.

 One thing I couldn’t sure was, am I really let you go? 

Seriously, I’ve no clue. How so?

 It’s because you kept showing up in my dreams lately, which making me couldn’t focus on anything. Yea, anything.

 I seldom think of you, but just don’t know why you still appear in my dreams frequently. 

Maybe you live inside my heart which I don’t know there’s a person still living in it.

 I thought I am moving on, maybe I am, maybe I am not. I’m not sure at this moment. 

I don’t know you will bring me such a huge impact in my life, btw, you are influence me lots. 

Just read my friend’s blog, he’s facing the same problem with me, what a coincidence.

Is this my fate? 

Is time really will fade off our memories? 

What I hope is time heals everything, and the last thing is hope you are doing good in you life..

突然間失落感衝著我而來，心裡真的很不舒服。我是否愛上了她？這幾個月來很感謝她陪我渡過這個低潮期，也因為這樣，對她的感覺也重燃而且還很深。這幾天她一直浮現在我的腦海裡，結婚生子組織家庭，想到這些嘴角也上揚起來。一直以來我都很怕結婚更鮮少去想它, 最近卻一直浮現在我的腦海裡，還想著我們兩個很恩愛，她懷著我的baby，我們手拖手一起逛百貨公司，真的很幸福甜蜜。我真的不想失去她更加不懂該怎樣做。

如果換成你是我，你會怎樣做？很好的一封"I don't need to or want to hear that. What is past is past, that's it, that's all, period."我懂過去已經是過去，我只是要為我曾經的過錯負上一些責任而已，我并沒有要求你原諒我，我只是想純碎的道歉，就那麼多。對你的感覺也漸漸的消失，也不想重蹈覆轍，更不想再與你糾纏不清，就如你所說that's it, that's all, period.我并沒責怪你不懂我，畢竟不是你親身經歷，如果你是我的話，我相信你也會不知所措，不懂怎樣去面對。不懂是自己犯賤還是太有責任感，換來卻是字眼的傷害。既然都那麼的明顯，我懂我該怎麼做。

Happy New Year

First of all, Happy New Year, peeps. Year 2011 has come to an end finally. All the bad things left behind us, hope the brand new year brings happiness to your brand new year. Forget the past, stop roaming the melancholy street, stop lingering the past, you can't go back and undo all this, so move on pal! (talking to myself) It's time to summarize my 2011 year which led what I am today. Up until this moment, I still haven't settle my personal problem, the agony of waiting do gnawing at me these days. I'm not asking for forgiveness, what I want to say is just a sincere apology deep down from my heart. I do know it wasn't good for you after that incident, but I can't go back and undo it, so I'm no feeling of any regret and remorse of making this decision. The abrupt changes between our relationship, and the outcomes of that incident, I'm not satisfied any of it, but what can I do? Jealousy killing me at that time, it seemed, no, in fact it is; that's why I blurted it out. Last year, I went through a lot of thing, without you my life is meaningless. What emboldened me made that confession, probably is jealousy, jealousy overtook my rational mind. I'm not gonna to write about it anymore in here, try to change the subject.
I want to thank to Adele, thanks for your heartfelt and touching songs accompanied me to went through all this sad moment. The most played song in 2011 was "Someone Like You", over than a thousand times, not only that, your "21" and first debut album was on my list which I played the most in my any electronic devices. Total up more than two thousands, no exaggerating by the way. XD. You're the best singer in this world and you're the one who inspired me during my saddest moment. Hope you can recover from your throat surgery sooner and brings us more surprises when you come back. ^^ The list below are the songs that helped me get through all this:

1. Someone Like You
2. One And Only
3. Don't You Remember
4. I Found A Boy
5. Hometown Glory
6. I Can't Make You Love Me
7. Turning Tables
8. Hiding My Heart
9. Take It All
10. Rolling In The Deep
11. Set Fire To The Rain
12. Home Is In Your Eye
13. Waiting Outside The Lines
14. A Thousand Year
15. For The First Time
16. Just A Kiss
17. Entwined
18. She Went Quietly
19. Wish You Were Here
20. It Will Rain
21. Make You Feel My Life
22. Remember When
23. These Broken Hands Of Mine
24. Anything But You
25. What Are Words
26. If You're Not The One
27. The One That Got Away

I am extremely grateful to all my beloved friends who always stand by me and forgive me what I did.
I Love You Guys More Than Ever. Thank you for such a supportive friend, whenever I facing problems, you guys never abandon me, never leave me alone, please forgive me being such a bastard friend. Never take you guys' feelings into consideration, I'm such a selfish guy. Less than 48 hours, my final will be officially start on Tuesday, and I am not in a mode to study for my final, screw you EXAM! In the mode of countdown-ing go back to my lovely home, 17 days, I'll be at peninsula of M'sia. Whee~ New Year, New Resolution, reduce outing after the new semester start, stop to spend money like my father is the head of Bank Negara! Have to scrimp and save up for my future! Study hard cause I know this semester will be the worst semester that I've gone through, my result is falling down, sob. It's time to off to bed, good nights people. Again, Happy 2012!! Have a brand new year ahead.. =)

Happy Birthday

This post supposed to be update few weeks ago, but I've no time to write plus, I'm kinda bone idle. Lol..
This post is about my 21st birthday. Well, I didn't celebrate my birthday, just like usual, stay at house, surfed net and watched drama, haha. Before my birthday, I waited with bated breath cause I know I'll get my iPhone 4 and my platinum key necklace in my birthday. Hahas. I'd like to take this opportunity to say a big Thank to my lovely brother and my lovely cousin sister, they gave me the thing that I yearned for many years. According to my auntie said a key represent another stage of life begin, get a key to unlock your life. I love it so much and its always with me cause I'm wearing this all the time. (Speaking nonsense) I am ever so grateful for my brother whose always giving in to my inexorable demands all the time.

Thank to my college's friend Tan Ying Fang whose sent me a birthday gift from Johor, and I quite like the shirt cause its branded and also is my favorite color, white color, hahas. Will show you my birthday gifts to you all later. Of course, cannot forget my bosom friend which is Jujube. Thank for her dinner, a delicious, delightful with romantic dinner. We went to San Francisco Steak House which located nearby Hotel Imperia, previously named as Hotel Casurina. I ordered a Rib Eye Steak with medium well, its so tempted when I writting about this. Give me a steak with medium well please!!! After dinner, we went to Euro house again and I met my childhood's friends there. I do like to hang out sometime cause it can bump into my old friend which I never see them ages ago. Three of them, one of them I don't really remember her, her name is Sannda. She said she was afraid of me when I was a kid especially when I cried out loud, they will run away from me, funny right? Hahas. Another one is Mandy, she will walk down the aisle by this weekend and inevitably, I received her pink bomb, how lucky I am, right? Well, this is the very first time I got an invitation card from my friend, actually I quite happy with that although I've to pay angpow. Congratz to her anyways. And the last one is Samantha Yip, she was my godmother's daughter, I see her every year. Of course I won't let the opportunity slipped away from my finger, we took photos together as a commemoration. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize with Jujube, cause I left her alone when I chatting with my old friends. I'm sorry. And I get a same reciprocate as well, she read her novel for half an hour and gave me the brush-off, T.T. Jujube, you're so cruel to me. I think that's all, bye.

 iPhone 4  from my brother. Very thank you to you.

Platinum Key Necklace from my cousin sister. Thank you very much.











A birthday card designed by Tan Ying Fang. She's wat too creative.

My old friends, left: Sannda, Mandy, Klosen and Samantha.














A birthday gift from Tan Ying Fang,; converse shirt. Thanks ya..

A birthday dinner from Jujube. Rib eye steak with medium well. Thanks ya.













The front page of the card.

Everything goes to an end, I guess

Finally, everything goes to an end. Never thought that I've that courage to tell everything to you, and I did it. Yesterday was my 21st birthday, and to be honest and candid I lost everything in my birthday, how great it is. Although it is not a good ending but at least I can heave a sigh of relief. And again, I want to apologize to all my friends, I leave without a word, let you guys so worried about me. I'm fine, I guess. What I did is not easy for me, I have to make a decision which could change my whole life. 3 weeks, I took 3 weeks to make a decision without any interference, I sat alone in the office, in my room to think of everything, and looked for every possibilities that will come out at the end, and finally, I have made it. It would be my another turning point in my life. There are so many 'victims' in this decision, and what I can do is just apologize. I hurt my best friends, few of them, and I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but this is just inevitable. Reality always not follow our will, it always happened in an opposite way which we really don't like to see it. And sorry to all my high school's friends, I removed all of you from my facebook and msn. I promised you all will add you all back after this incident, and again, I'm sorry, I couldn't make it. I broke my promises, I'm sorry. I shunned you guys all those time, and now I still can't get back to you guys, may be I am better off without you guys or may be I am not deserve it. So far, I used to my new life, I don't want to change it back to my previous' life. They always says there's a choice, but for me, there's no choice, there's no other way better than this, I reckoned. I am not running away from the reality, and I know it is inevitable, so I chose to face it, I chose to face the reality. This is why we always called it as 'the ugly truth'. I've tried many approaches to change my life, and I realized none of them are effective, so I chose to leave. By giving this chance, I want to thank to those who sent me a birthday wishes to me via cellphone and facebook. And this year, Chan Yee Wei is the first person who called me and text me from Singapore when the time exactly hits to 12am. Well, I'm sorry for not picking up your call as I am still hesitating should I pick up the call. I want to say a million sorry to you that I hurt you again.
So far, I haven't receives any present yet, but as I know, there will be few present waiting for me to catch it. So, thanks to my cousin sister, my lovely brother, Tan Ying Fang (my college's friend), Jujube, Chan Yee Wei, my aunt and I think that is all, if I'm not mistaken. Last but not least, I want to apologize to my another best friend Foong Chee Loon, I didn't mean to hurt you, seriously. You got me wrong from the beginning, and no matter how I explained to you, you seemed not get it though. Though everything ended with disappoinment, but still we have to move on no matter there are many obstacles out there.