I like to spend time with my brother, just like today, he has a day off today and we two had lunch together and hang out at the coffee shop, I felt good as the two of us never seen each other for 9 years.
Why am I writing this post?
It's not because I feel unhappy, it's because I feel lost after I came here, especially after a night walk from the city centre to home. FYI, I don't like to walk home, drive home or friend drives me back home at night, I feel sentimental when I walk past or drive past the lamppost especially playing slow musics during the journey back home. It should be another adventure for me after New Zealand working holiday but it doesn't seem one.
Why would I ended up in U.K?
The reason is to work here and save up some for my Europe trip. In a nutshell, to pursue my dream.
This path ain't easy at all, sometimes even myself will start questioning myself; sometimes I envied my friend has a stable job; sometimes I feel tired; sometimes I feel lonely(all the time); the uncertainties discomfort me; loneliness strikes me; everything seems not right at all. Sometimes I have to gather myself up and dismiss all those negative thoughts.
I clearly know what I want in my life,
Most of my friends say it's easy for me to meet new friends due to my outgoing personality, but the environment here is different from New Zealand's. I barely talk to people besides of my brother and his girlfriend not to mention to meeting new friends. Plus, I'm a lil picky, I tried not to make friend with Asians especially those speak mandarin and cantonese.
Why I don't like this country?
The main reason is the environment. I can't see the real mother nature maybe I'm not in the right place, I guess the mother nature is in Scotland instead of England. This is the difference between U.K and New Zealand. New Zealand has a lot to offer, and I had a lot of first in New Zealand. I met different nationality friends, I learned their language and culture, I listened to their stories, I went for a road trip with a complete stranger and it turned out pretty good, I offered hitchhike to backpackers, someone offered me a lift while I was walking to the mall, I tried pots, I drunk hard and party hard, I had a best trip ever in my life with my friend although I used to travel alone in India and Bangkok. After that trip, it completely changed my thought of traveling alone. Probably it's because of the common interest that we have and the same notion of "traveling". Plus, he is my long standing mate, we won't feel awkward even if we didn't talk during the journey and I feel good with his presence.
Secondly is the people here, they are not friendly in comparison to New Zealand's. They are indifferent. In New Zealand, strangers greet you when they saw you or walk past you. People in New Zealand always smile especially those in service field, they will first greet you with hi, how are ya? With this simple greeting, which I find this manner should be practised in U.K, it makes me feel my money is well spent in this restaurant, shopping mall or supermarket. In U.K, I would say most of the promoters, waiters and waitresses and cashiers they just never smiled to you as if you owe 'em money. C'mon, I'm a consumer, I spend money on your shop and you should provide me a good service instead of giving me that shitty face and bad service when I make payment at the till point.
My feeling,...
I have a lot of free time these days as I haven't got a job yet. Spent my time on series, books, musics, and enter someone's life. Entering someone's life ain't easy at all especially when you know how they feel, how they see thing on certain things, sometimes I even lost myself, it's like I am not myself anymore and wondering who I am and I feel more uncertain of myself anymore since the day we met? I feel overwhelmed. This journey should be a mission of finding myself, should be a journey to achieve my dream but when I think deep, it became another question, what and who made me to step on this path? And the answer is you, it's like my fate is linked to you and I can't get rid of you. Sometimes I tried not to think it in this way and go with the flow but the truth is the truth, I just can't get rid of you. There is a song called "Magnetised" by Tom Odell and one of the verses is perfectly described what I'm feeling right now, "I am magnetised to somebody that don't feel it". I need something to distract me like how it did to me when I was in New Zealand.
