Sometimes I wish I have the courage to spit it out what I'm thinking. It's odd to suddenly tell you all this, even me myself feel weird if I told you this.
Most of you would probably think that I'm talking about love or some kind of confession.
No, it is not. I'm not talking about confession to someone, at least it's not love confession.
All of this while, I'm searching the missing piece of me. Yes, you hear me right or you see it clear, the missing piece. I am incomplete, or most of the ppl in this world is.
I always feel incomplete when comes in certain moment, what I'm saying is I don't feel this when I'm blessed and happy. It feels strong when I'm alone, well, I'm alone all the time but I don't have this kinda feeling all the time only when it meets the right time, the right vibes and the right thought.
I spent most of my time to find it, in a different approach, or maybe I know what I'm missing but I'm not quite sure.
I wish to share this with you, 'cause you are trustworthy to me, but somehow I'm not quite sure should I or do I have to? I always wanted to tell you, you are my person. Whenever this phrase come across my mind, I started to question myself. Not that I don't trust you, like I said before you are a trustworthy friend, but, yea there is always a but, now I only realized how I hate this word 'but'.
I saw something with my own eyes, yes, my fucking own eyes, I wish I didn't see it in the first place cause it brings all these questions to me, and I started to doubt you. I don't exactly know what you both were talking but my hunch is never been wrong.
A barrier, a wall built inside me after what I've been through, I tried to bring it down but it was a vain.
I always wish I have someone to trust, someone that I could share everything with but it seems to me that I trust no one. And it back to square one, same thing, repeat over and over again. Maybe I still care although I have said it a thousand times I don't, but the hollow hand in my heart still wouldn't want to release it, Who do I to blame?
I thought I have entirely changed, but at the end something just won't change.
Awww.... My friend, you aren't alone. Seeking and searching, we all are in this never ending journey of life. :)
ReplyDeleteI do get your feelings though. Looking for that someone that you can always depend on. Well i'm glad to say i have three girl-friends in my life that i know i can always turn to. Yet, i think coming Kyoto has really taught me how to be alone. We come alone, we leave alone.
Now i found myself getting through my life, genuinely don't give a fuck about people. If they want to stay, whether as friends or lover, they will. If they don't, who cares?
Hope you are having fun over there!
Ya, one of them must be Renge?
ReplyDeleteI always tell myself, loneliness always been a friend of mine, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself to think, ended up it ruined my day.
I found someone who can rely on it just sometimes when I think of the past I will start to doubt, maybe I'm overthink or maybe my hunch is always right.
This kind of feeling always comes to me once a year, and I'm still not getting used to it.
Hope you enjoy your remaining days in Kyoto!