Happy New Year

First of all, Happy New Year, peeps. Year 2011 has come to an end finally. All the bad things left behind us, hope the brand new year brings happiness to your brand new year. Forget the past, stop roaming the melancholy street, stop lingering the past, you can't go back and undo all this, so move on pal! (talking to myself) It's time to summarize my 2011 year which led what I am today. Up until this moment, I still haven't settle my personal problem, the agony of waiting do gnawing at me these days. I'm not asking for forgiveness, what I want to say is just a sincere apology deep down from my heart. I do know it wasn't good for you after that incident, but I can't go back and undo it, so I'm no feeling of any regret and remorse of making this decision. The abrupt changes between our relationship, and the outcomes of that incident, I'm not satisfied any of it, but what can I do? Jealousy killing me at that time, it seemed, no, in fact it is; that's why I blurted it out. Last year, I went through a lot of thing, without you my life is meaningless. What emboldened me made that confession, probably is jealousy, jealousy overtook my rational mind. I'm not gonna to write about it anymore in here, try to change the subject.
I want to thank to Adele, thanks for your heartfelt and touching songs accompanied me to went through all this sad moment. The most played song in 2011 was "Someone Like You", over than a thousand times, not only that, your "21" and first debut album was on my list which I played the most in my any electronic devices. Total up more than two thousands, no exaggerating by the way. XD. You're the best singer in this world and you're the one who inspired me during my saddest moment. Hope you can recover from your throat surgery sooner and brings us more surprises when you come back. ^^ The list below are the songs that helped me get through all this:

1. Someone Like You
2. One And Only
3. Don't You Remember
4. I Found A Boy
5. Hometown Glory
6. I Can't Make You Love Me
7. Turning Tables
8. Hiding My Heart
9. Take It All
10. Rolling In The Deep
11. Set Fire To The Rain
12. Home Is In Your Eye
13. Waiting Outside The Lines
14. A Thousand Year
15. For The First Time
16. Just A Kiss
17. Entwined
18. She Went Quietly
19. Wish You Were Here
20. It Will Rain
21. Make You Feel My Life
22. Remember When
23. These Broken Hands Of Mine
24. Anything But You
25. What Are Words
26. If You're Not The One
27. The One That Got Away

I am extremely grateful to all my beloved friends who always stand by me and forgive me what I did.
I Love You Guys More Than Ever. Thank you for such a supportive friend, whenever I facing problems, you guys never abandon me, never leave me alone, please forgive me being such a bastard friend. Never take you guys' feelings into consideration, I'm such a selfish guy. Less than 48 hours, my final will be officially start on Tuesday, and I am not in a mode to study for my final, screw you EXAM! In the mode of countdown-ing go back to my lovely home, 17 days, I'll be at peninsula of M'sia. Whee~ New Year, New Resolution, reduce outing after the new semester start, stop to spend money like my father is the head of Bank Negara! Have to scrimp and save up for my future! Study hard cause I know this semester will be the worst semester that I've gone through, my result is falling down, sob. It's time to off to bed, good nights people. Again, Happy 2012!! Have a brand new year ahead.. =)

Happy Birthday

This post supposed to be update few weeks ago, but I've no time to write plus, I'm kinda bone idle. Lol..
This post is about my 21st birthday. Well, I didn't celebrate my birthday, just like usual, stay at house, surfed net and watched drama, haha. Before my birthday, I waited with bated breath cause I know I'll get my iPhone 4 and my platinum key necklace in my birthday. Hahas. I'd like to take this opportunity to say a big Thank to my lovely brother and my lovely cousin sister, they gave me the thing that I yearned for many years. According to my auntie said a key represent another stage of life begin, get a key to unlock your life. I love it so much and its always with me cause I'm wearing this all the time. (Speaking nonsense) I am ever so grateful for my brother whose always giving in to my inexorable demands all the time.

Thank to my college's friend Tan Ying Fang whose sent me a birthday gift from Johor, and I quite like the shirt cause its branded and also is my favorite color, white color, hahas. Will show you my birthday gifts to you all later. Of course, cannot forget my bosom friend which is Jujube. Thank for her dinner, a delicious, delightful with romantic dinner. We went to San Francisco Steak House which located nearby Hotel Imperia, previously named as Hotel Casurina. I ordered a Rib Eye Steak with medium well, its so tempted when I writting about this. Give me a steak with medium well please!!! After dinner, we went to Euro house again and I met my childhood's friends there. I do like to hang out sometime cause it can bump into my old friend which I never see them ages ago. Three of them, one of them I don't really remember her, her name is Sannda. She said she was afraid of me when I was a kid especially when I cried out loud, they will run away from me, funny right? Hahas. Another one is Mandy, she will walk down the aisle by this weekend and inevitably, I received her pink bomb, how lucky I am, right? Well, this is the very first time I got an invitation card from my friend, actually I quite happy with that although I've to pay angpow. Congratz to her anyways. And the last one is Samantha Yip, she was my godmother's daughter, I see her every year. Of course I won't let the opportunity slipped away from my finger, we took photos together as a commemoration. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize with Jujube, cause I left her alone when I chatting with my old friends. I'm sorry. And I get a same reciprocate as well, she read her novel for half an hour and gave me the brush-off, T.T. Jujube, you're so cruel to me. I think that's all, bye.

 iPhone 4  from my brother. Very thank you to you.

Platinum Key Necklace from my cousin sister. Thank you very much.











A birthday card designed by Tan Ying Fang. She's wat too creative.

My old friends, left: Sannda, Mandy, Klosen and Samantha.














A birthday gift from Tan Ying Fang,; converse shirt. Thanks ya..

A birthday dinner from Jujube. Rib eye steak with medium well. Thanks ya.













The front page of the card.

Everything goes to an end, I guess

Finally, everything goes to an end. Never thought that I've that courage to tell everything to you, and I did it. Yesterday was my 21st birthday, and to be honest and candid I lost everything in my birthday, how great it is. Although it is not a good ending but at least I can heave a sigh of relief. And again, I want to apologize to all my friends, I leave without a word, let you guys so worried about me. I'm fine, I guess. What I did is not easy for me, I have to make a decision which could change my whole life. 3 weeks, I took 3 weeks to make a decision without any interference, I sat alone in the office, in my room to think of everything, and looked for every possibilities that will come out at the end, and finally, I have made it. It would be my another turning point in my life. There are so many 'victims' in this decision, and what I can do is just apologize. I hurt my best friends, few of them, and I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but this is just inevitable. Reality always not follow our will, it always happened in an opposite way which we really don't like to see it. And sorry to all my high school's friends, I removed all of you from my facebook and msn. I promised you all will add you all back after this incident, and again, I'm sorry, I couldn't make it. I broke my promises, I'm sorry. I shunned you guys all those time, and now I still can't get back to you guys, may be I am better off without you guys or may be I am not deserve it. So far, I used to my new life, I don't want to change it back to my previous' life. They always says there's a choice, but for me, there's no choice, there's no other way better than this, I reckoned. I am not running away from the reality, and I know it is inevitable, so I chose to face it, I chose to face the reality. This is why we always called it as 'the ugly truth'. I've tried many approaches to change my life, and I realized none of them are effective, so I chose to leave. By giving this chance, I want to thank to those who sent me a birthday wishes to me via cellphone and facebook. And this year, Chan Yee Wei is the first person who called me and text me from Singapore when the time exactly hits to 12am. Well, I'm sorry for not picking up your call as I am still hesitating should I pick up the call. I want to say a million sorry to you that I hurt you again.
So far, I haven't receives any present yet, but as I know, there will be few present waiting for me to catch it. So, thanks to my cousin sister, my lovely brother, Tan Ying Fang (my college's friend), Jujube, Chan Yee Wei, my aunt and I think that is all, if I'm not mistaken. Last but not least, I want to apologize to my another best friend Foong Chee Loon, I didn't mean to hurt you, seriously. You got me wrong from the beginning, and no matter how I explained to you, you seemed not get it though. Though everything ended with disappoinment, but still we have to move on no matter there are many obstacles out there.

Her

We hold many memories of our school days, and we never tire of telling these tales to family and friends. I believe that for many of us, our time at school were some of the best years of our lives and more often than not, we hark back to those carefree years full of play and laughter. Today, I was spacing out during my working time and I recall my freshman year. I missed the time when I am in Sabah, rush assignments, reports, presentations and homework. 24 hours a day really not suffice enough for us to accomplish our task. Due to no time to think anything, seriously, I was happy everyday. She showed up in a sudden, not in front of me, but in my head. She's the second friend I cried for, I used to be with her, tells my things to her and she tells her things to me. We have one common in our life, met someone by a fluke and influenced our life the most and changed our life. We both are Leo, our story are almost the same. I thought I found 'Someone Like You', although you both are huge difference in personality, but I found one common from her----the smell. Her smell just like you, attract me anyways. It sounds weird right? Get attracted by someone's smell. I feel the same for her as I felt for you. Finally, I could just forget about you, this is what I thought at that time. But it wasn't, maybe due to something that happened between us, and she started alienate me which I hate the most and I couldn't used to it. I was sad, jilted, disappointed and hurt. Could you feel the pain when someone you care the most hurt you? I continued to search what I wants although there's so many difficulties but it won't stop me either. As time flew by, I became a vulnerable person with a very fragile heart. But I keep moving on, keep finding 'You', I believe one day you'll just appears in my life and accompany me till the end of my life. Maybe I found you, just I couldn't sure whether is you or not. I always braced myself after every incident happened on me, the wound seems healed, but it is not. And ended up I trust no one. How I wish my commencement of the third sem could be on tomorrow, so that I can get back to a normal life. I lead a pretty mundane existence after I got back here. I thought I will have so much fun here, but it's not. I having much fun when I'm in Sabah, at least we hang out to sing k and have some delicious and delightful meals.

Sorry

I'm sorry, my friends.
Today I received a fb's message from my friend,
she wrote: ''though i dunno what's going on with u, u r ignoring all of us, i feel sad...i thought we r buddies, any1 facing problems shud tell another 1, but u aren't. ok, i can understand, u r not supposed or u dun have responsibility to tell me (us) since that's ur privacy. i dun mean to force u to do so. but i can tell u, we r always here n supporting u..''
I felt touch after I read her msg.
I am not one who has been propped up by anyone.
Maybe I did, sometimes, but not that frequent.
As I wrote in my last post, give me some time to find back myself,
find out who I really am. Despite it's not easy to face it all by myself, but I quite enjoyed during this interim period.
Thanks for you guys concerned about me, I know you guys cares me lots as how I care you all.

Searching

Being able to tell the truth doesn't seemed relieve to me.
And it became my another worried.
I am confusing right now.
I used to gregarious and outgoing, but now I'm like a guy who suffering from autism.
Sometimes, I've the urge to deactivate my facebook account,
shut down my msn and skype account even my cellphone.
How come everything seems so worst with/without telling my thing to my friend?
I always think when I'm spacing out, especially in the office.
It drove me crazy sometimes;
I'm upsetting for something;
I'm depressing for something.
Something that meant a lot to me.
Despite there's a listener, I don't feel relieve when everything is spoken out.
I feels more depressed and sadness are arounds me.
Could I just lead a secluded life without contact with any friends?
Is it the world leaving me or just I myself straying from the world?
Another question.
I think is the time for me to find out who I am.
If you can't contact me, no worries, I'm fine, nothing bad happens on me.
I'm searching, what I wants,
When the time comes, I'll find you guys automatically.
Give me some time to deal with it,
just leave me alone.
Maybe it take me a month, a year or a lifetime;
just let me find out who I am.

Again

Thanks to Jujube who encouraged me to confide my secrets to Jamie.
'Probably she's your soulmate, you should tell her everything.'
Ought I to say 'Thank' to you? I doubts that at this moment.
You were right, I have to find who I really am during this harsh time.
Maybe I used to accomodated to my friends all the time and causing me to lost myself.
I don't know who I really am, I became suspicious of my behaviour sometimes.
But friends around me never sussed.
21 years of my life, I'm not living for myself, I'm living for someone else.
Was that all I wanted it to be? Was that my life?
Urghh, I hates that, I hate myself always questioning something, something which haunted my life ever and I couldn't just get rid of it. Maybe, all I want is a truth.
No one can fathom my feeling unless you were me.
I'm a bigot, no doubt, Jujube and some of my close friends always said that.
I always insisted my thoughts were right.
I'm too sturbborn for certain things, and they always gives me unsolicited advice.
Who needs unsolicited advice?
In my experience, such advice isn't usually about the stuff that really matters anyway.
People generally keep away from the big stuff because they're afraid you will get angry and jettison their friendship. Instead, they stick to giving advice about the lil things.
Sometimes advice doesn't help anything, sometimes it could lead some trivial matter turns to a huge problem.
Some people do like their friends to give advice, so that they got few more options to pick or showing that there are lots of friend out there support you and don't easily give things up.
Sometimes, those advices are work but the possibility is very low.
Actually, the only solution to solve the problem was the person involved. Only the person involved know how to address his difficulties. No one else can help him, friends or families only can showing their support to that person. It all hinges on the person involved; whether want to let it be or just solve the problem, there's no alternative way to stop that.
I do not want to hurt my family nor my friends as I know I could not make it.
Maybe I should be least concerned about the aftermath, just do whatever I wish to do.
But this is not me, yea, sometimes it is but not this time.
Again, my will thwarted by consequences that could happen.

Outing with Jujube

It's been three weeks didn't update my blog.
I have lots of fun with Jujube last night at De Garden.
Apparently, three hours really not enough for us.
Our first round was in 'Strawberry Moment' to have dessert after our dinner.
Undoubtedly, the desserts was nice, prices are reasonable and affordable.
I ordered 'Melt in Mouth' as my dessert and Jujube ordered 'Ava bla bla bla', sorry, forgot the dessert's name. Lol.

Melt in Mouth.

Ava bla bla bla...

She's the one I liked to hang out with, we talked a lot,

unstoppable talking with her life's stories and my stories.
She changed a lot, maybe should've write she learnt a lot from her past-life.

While I still standing there, without any remorse what I did in my past.
She had gone through something that meant a lot to her, well, so am I.

Just we're different individual, have different perspective to everything,

we have our own thoughts for certain things.
I'm happy for her that she found her own self by an incident.

When it comes to my story, I was totally flabbergasted by her remarked ‘so, did you tell your aunt after you jerked off?’ (Cause I said I tell everything to my aunt)

Awkward silent for a while, and I was like ‘Wow, this girl, is it that Jujube I knew?’ Cause she never talk about these things. What an amusing joke.

After Strawberry Moment, we went to second round. We were searching the right place to continue our topic. Our second round was in ‘Oval De Garden’, is a bar actually. It was hot like hell when we got there. We ordered liquor as our drink. Hoegaarden and Leffe Brune, both are from Belgium. Ironically, when we order our drink, the waiter looked at me and said ‘this liquor contains 8.8% of alcohol but it was out of stock.’ Wth! Actually Jujube not allowed me to order that liquor cause later I’ve to ride motorbike to my friend’s house.

Hoegaarden

She was trying my Leffe Brune.

I like this picture pretty much. She was grinning at her way, a natural way.

We chat until twelve quarter, and she have to go back due to I’ve a movie at 12:30am.

Time passed, I hope time could stop there, or give me a lil more time, three hours really not suffice enough for me to chat with her. No doubt, I liked to chat with her individually, without a third party present, it felt nice.

A Big THANK to you, my friend, you brighten up my day.

Leave me alone

These days wasn't good for me..
I feels emptiness, I feels lonely, I'm alone..
I'm avoiding the world, I'm avoiding things around me,
I'm avoiding everything, I'm avoiding my friends..
Sorry for didn't pick up your calls,
Sorry for didn't reply your msgs.
Just leave me alone..
Do not call me..
Do not msg me..
Do not find me in facebook..
Do not find me in msn and skype..
Do not inbox me..
I will not reply..
Just give me some time to deal with my feeling..
I will get through it someday..
I don't know how long it takes,
Just leave me alone..
Everything will be fine after this..

Confused

Recently, I've been avoiding my friends who comes to me.
I refused to answer the called, refused to reply msg from my friends unless he/she is my close friend. I've no idea why?
I'm straying from my path.
My friend were asking me out to have a gathering, I don't know whether I should go or not.
I feels strange to them, it happens in a sudden which I really don't know how to face it.
I am lost. I am fear, but I don't know what I fears about?
I am hesitating, should I go?
I don't really like crowded or a whole gang to hang out, even my gang.
A sudden change making me hard to adapt it.
I don't like to talk, maybe I should write ignored to talk.
I used to talk, and I talk a lot with my aunt, but when comes to friends, I just refused to talk.
I'm confusing why I'll be like this.

Thanks my BFF

After all these years, all these things we gone through, I'm really glad to had you.
You are the best thing I ever had in my life.
Thank you for calling me and chat with me,
thank you for soothed me with your thoughts, your opinions and your experiences.
I'll try to change, change back to the previous ckc that you knew.
I couldn't make a promise to you, I just will try my own best to do it for my own's sake.
Sorry for kicked you out previously, maybe is me being scare to get hurt by ppl. I am sorry.
I never stand on your side, I never care your feeling, maybe I did,
I just don't want to continue, that was previous me.
And I know, you're treating me so good that you never treat others like this.
I am extremely grateful to you for always standing on my stance, giving me support, caring me, made concession to me and meet me halfway.
Yea, I should learn from mistake, shouldn't regret from mistake.
After chat with you, I realized I never learn from my mistakes and always felt regret of every decision I've made.
Undeniably, I am the only one who never move forward, always stays there, the past.
I miss my high school's life, I wish I could get back there, I lives in my past, I never move on.
It's time for me to get rid of it, let it be a memory,
do not lingering the past, do not too indulge it.
I feel secure when I'm with you, probably you will help me everything out.
You asked me why I seldom talk and keep silent when I am with you both?
Cause I feels strange, maybe we seldom see each other, I need time to work through my feelings, I need time to get familiar with you both, all I need is time. If I make you strange, I'm sorry about that. You really a good friend I ever had, I don't believe in eternity, but still I want to say you're my BFF. Tomorrow is the last day you stay in Ipoh, wish you all the best in your study and have a safe journey. Have to wait until next year only then can meet you, so, take good care of yourself. See ya soon.

How To Save A Life?

Things had changed after you went to Singapore.
I've had changed, too much. I hates to text msg and reply msg, I hates to socialize, I hates to be isolated, I hates to make new friend, I hates to be with stranger although he/she is my friend's friend. I hates it all...
I become strange. I don't know why things ended up like this. I was good in social previously,
but now I refused to do so, I don't like stranger come closer to me, I don't like to talk when a gang hang out grab some drink. But I pretending I don't hates it, I acted like the formal 'Me', it was embarrasing, you know? That was outside of me, nobody knows inside me, I just don't like the feeling.
It was hypocrite, but what can I do? Could somebody tell me, what should I do?
Today, I shouldn't acting like this, but I just couldn't handle my feeling, emotion.
I knew it, before we went to the gathering, I knew it, they will just focus on you, they won't notice my present. When they noticed me, my mood was spoilt, I've nothing to say, I just keep silent, they said silent is gold. I couldn't agree more.
Sorry to my friends, let you guys worry about me, maybe I am too indulge myself, maybe I became secretive and withdrawn. I can't find someone to talk to, I always talk to myself.
I can't believe in human, I can't trust human, sometimes I wish I could release it out, but I trust no one, I'm suffering...
My aunt was worrying me getting psychotic disorder, so do I.
I can't address those problems, I can't deal with it, I'm getting sick.
Anyone could pull me off this kind of situation? I want to get rid of it, but I couldn't.

Enjoy

It's been two months didn't update my blog, wow, it's just not like me.. lol
Actually I've nothing to write about, XD.
I've been Ipoh, my hometown, more than a month and without getting any job, haha..
Is quite leisure. Why don't I get a job during my vacation? Well, is because I want to rest my body and prepare myself to go further for my long walks.. haha..
And another reason was, my best friend have a term break so I decided to enjoy my day before he get back to study. Although just two of us, (cause many of them 'put aeroplane'), and a lil bit bored but still I do enjoy it. We have two movies in a week, actually we planned for 4 movies in a week to break the record, but we couldn't make it, cause tickets are sold out.. lol, it was pathetic! We watched 'Kung Fu Panda 2' and 'Super 8', well, both are nice though. What else to write?
Hmmm, I've a great friday night with my best friend, well, don't think too much, we didn't do anything, at least not that thing, XD. We grabbed some beers and chatting with each other, it's been a long time I didn't have such a good time with my best friend. I know it wouldn't have another time for us to grab beers to confide in, so I do enjoyed it. That day I was so emo at the morning probably is because listened to adele's songs. And at the afternoon, Yee Wei sent me a msg told me that the plan going to lost world was cancel. I was super duper annoying, so do him.. So, we decided to drink and drunk, just want to let our brains to stop working a lil while. We do not want to think anymore, XD. Let's get drunk and throw everything behind us~yay
Recently, a lot of thing happened on me, I just feels like don't wanna to think and threw it away, when I get myself up, I'll face it anyways.. Haiz
After three days start from now on, my days will get back to normal, so, I'll enjoy my three days left.. Enjoy till the max~ Wuhoo~ I'm looking for a job, any recommendation? Lol..

Someone Like You

已有兩個月沒更新我的部落格了，也沒什麼要寫，
只是想與大家分享一片文章是摘自于其它部落格。
本人超喜歡這首歌，''Someone Like You'' - Adele
不妨上youtube聽聽吧。

Never mind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you, too,

Don't forget me, I beg,

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead,"

人在这世上的力量其实很渺小。
很多，不，几乎所有事情都由不得你掌控。
就说人与人之间的关系好了。
你期望从某人身上得到的，他未必能够达到你的期望。
什么友情什么爱情，只要是人类有份噶一脚的，鬼样的都会变得复杂。
你有你的他，我有我的他，他有他的他。
没办法，人与人的关系图不是one-to-one function。没那么简单。

Somebody just can't reciprocate your feelings.

他们没错，怪就怪自己太傻太固执。
得不到了，有些人很豪放的大唱Cee Lo Green的 ‘Fuck You’（‘忘记你’的原版）。
有些可怜虫就只能点Adele大姐的‘Someone Like You’。
很无奈的对放不下的自己说‘我会找到一个替代品’
很无奈的对无情的他说‘求你别忘了我’
还是不肯放弃就继续加油吧……或许有一天实货会回来把赝品赶走。
加油，孩子们。不管你是在等待着你心中的bff还是bf/gf回应。
I wish nothing but the best for you =)



"There is nothing quite like the feeling when you are listening to a song written by someone you don't know, who you've never met, who somehow manages to describe exactly how you felt at a particular moment in your life. If you've ever had a broken heart, you are about to remember it now."

话说Adele大姐真的很强大 :')
一把心碎的声音就足以感动大众。花瓶们，靠边站吧。
在这住着孤单孩子们的城市里，一副独特又动人心弦的嗓子才是王道。

I heard that you're settled down,

That you found a girl and you're married now,

I heard that your dreams came true,

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,

I had hoped you'd see my face,

And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you, too,

Don't forget me, I beg,

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,

Only yesterday was the time of our lives,

We were born and raised in a summer haze,

Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,

I had hoped you'd see my face,

And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you, too,

Don't forget me, I beg,

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,

No worries or cares,

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you,

Don't forget me, I beg,

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you, too,

Don't forget me, I beg,

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead.

Posted by karin chan at Wednesday, April 27, 2011